GQ...knows good men

“I miss smoking a ton of pot,” Segel says, genuinely wistful. “I can’t do it anymore. I’ve got too much work.”

You will smoke again one day Mr. Segel, you will...Mwahahahahahahaha

(I am imagining myself looking akin to Miss Piggy with great Elvira hair and a cool cape with some dank ass boots cackling...come on, you can see it... I cackle all the time so it's not too far off from reality)

Lets toke it and do an interview

"RUSH"ing to see Segel

Rush will be receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this Friday! It was suggested that we go in order to see if Mr. Segel will be in attendance, due to I Love You, Man and the lead characters' obsession with Rush. The main thing I learned from that part of the movie is that you do not go to a concert with your boyfriend to a band you have NEVER heard of...seriously, why act like such a biotch when you can't share the enthusiasm- her character makes women look boring. (trust me, I have opted out of many death metal shows by choice!)

from the website: Rush Is A Band

UPDATE - 6/11@8:28AM: Apparently the band's star will be the 2,412th rewarded. :)

UPDATE - 6/7@7:47AM: The Hollywood Reporter is now also confirming the June 25th ceremony.

Nearly 2 years ago we learned that Rush would be awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The campaign to get Rush their star was spearheaded by long-time Rush friend Donna Halper - the woman who is credited with discovering Rush while working at WMMS-FM in Cleveland back in 1974 - and Rush fans extraordinaire Keith and Kevin Purdy. Last month I'd heard from Kevin that the ceremony would occur on Friday, June 25th and this information has now been confirmed by the Seeing Stars website. They list the event on their Calendar of Hollywood Events Calendar as scheduled to occur on Friday, June 25 at 11:30 AM at 6752 Hollywood Blvd, near McCadden Place. No details regarding the ceremony other than the location and time have yet been released. Thanks to Kevin C for the heads up.

Burning for the Boy

Little forward motion has been made on our hunt for Segel this past week.

Unfortunately, LIFE has put this adventure on the sidelines for a few seconds but we will be back in full force soon once the tide settles down. Why all these metaphors

relating to the sea?

Because this weekend we engaged in the age old

past time of going to the beach and getting

heinous burns, all for the sake of relaxing while roasting and looking glamourous and carefree later in the summer when we have melanoma.

On a side

note we have received multiple invitations

by the Las Vegas

producer we met, asking to check out his 4.3 million dollar production studio or swing by to meet Leonardo Dicaprio ('s

friend? I guess he had a ferrari) anyways... what happens in

Vegas stays in Vegas, but we have the odd feeling that at least part of the trip isn't going away any time soon.

Vegas Vacation

This weekend the Illegal Segel team headed down to Vegas, to soak up some sun, spend some well earned cash and try to find leads to our favorite filmstar's whereabouts.

Because we aren't big spenders (right now...someday, someday) we ended up staying at The Tropicana, where our ceilings had mirrors above the beds and high rollers used to do coke off the formica counters back in 1987 while hookers were sudsing in the jacuzzi in the middle of the bedroom.

(lessoned learned: spend a bit more on the hotel just so you don't think about bed bugs for the majority of your day)

But since it was only one night, caution was

thrown to the wind (after a few upgrades they finally put us in a room that didn't feel haunted or covered in decade old sperm).

We commenced our search by heading over to the PH pool, tasting delectable pasteries at Amore Patisserie at the Mandarin (this is where NB will stay from now on). In the evening we headed over to NoBu, meeting up with some friends, where we partied and drank and ate and drank and laughed and drank until 3am. The evening led to two possible Segel leads and a new one degree separation from the Kardashians.

That evening, in the HRH, there was a film crew and guess who had happened to follow us from Los Angeles to LV, but one of the star's of The Hills, Brody Jenner. Upon seeing Jenner, someoneone in our party goes "oh, what a douche bag."

For some reason this translated into teabag and I said "I bet he likes teabags the d-bag."

NB shrieked with laughter and dared me to go ask Jenner if he did indeed like teabagging.

(I'd already done a few other dares a few drinks before so going up to the reality star and asking this did not seem daunting, this is what followed)

Tapping him on the shoulder, he is in an 80's style tank top with sunglasses it is 11pm at night in a casino...(it reminds me of pictures of my Dad on a cruise to Jamaica in 1988 minus the mustache)

J: " Excuse me, I was asked to ask you a question"

B: Smiling, "ok"

J: "Do you likeTeabagging?"

B: Smile disappears "Do you know what that means?":

J:" Yes, of course I do"

B: "Well then FUCK YOU"

( the most vehement, genuine f-u I have EVER received)

Jenner then turned away and stormed out of the

casino....

I guess to him it means having balls in his mouth, when in my head it meant the balls were in my mouth... my bad.

Later that night we met a pretentious film person who proceeded to talk to us about Apatow, Spielberg and that his trip was for free since he was here to look at guns for one of the directors he works with and that his losing a couple of grand was nothing...We were not impressed by Orlando Bloom's number in your celly or your thinking we are good enough to talk to because we know what an NDA is.

BUT the real golden nugget of the night was a possible lead we got from a friend, who like us, lives in El Lay. He personally has seen Segel at The Den many a night, and suggested we go there...

But for now we are back in El Lay, our "reality," planning the next move to get closer to Segel...it might just include wenches, steins of beer, drumsticks and age old buffoonery that can get you time in the stocks.

Succumbing to Evil Networking Sites

http://twitter.com/IllegalSegel

Getting all up in Uranus...Astrology style

Ok so here I go with my piscean self. Got to break out the astrology connection of this power ensemble. Segel carts these characters along his wild ride through successland; all along, jiving quite smoothly. So is this brimming cup of man love just an act or could the alignment of stars tell the true tail of this bro bond? I believe the latter, here we go:

Segel, DOB January 18, 1980,
Capricorn, EARTH!


Paul Rudd, DOB April 6, 1969, Aries, Fireee

Seth Rogan, DOB, April 15, 1982 ,

bring on another Aries, Fire




and to add just a little more fire to the flames:



















Jonah Hill, DOB, December 20, 1983, Sagittarius, FIREEEE


Bottom line, when you mix an abundance of fire and EARTH you could get a whole lot of brush fires that eat up the 101, but you are also given a gift of this little cozy trio (thanks stars!):







and I mean how could this not be fun times?? Us water girls salute you and if you ever want to "swim" with these fishes let us know....











...for the real skinny on this power orgy check out: http://www.bestdresses.com/horoscope/Capricorn-Aries.htm

See Mr. Segel @ 2:40 into La Coacha's MTV Awards Carpet Video

Zac Efron Sends Us His Love!!!! No Joke!

courtesy of Perez Hilton

Great Quote That Has Nothing To Do With This Blog!

so I'm muffin' toppin' like trailer trash at Walmart- Sepanski

Mr. Segel and Anonymous Cooter

for those of you who are blind, like myself, this screen capture asks:

"Q: Who is Jason Segel Dating?

A: the question is who isn't jason segel dating

what do you mean by this?

Are you implying something?"

this is what a google search for Jason Segel AND dating comes up with...

The Alleged Resume of Mr. Segel

I'm sure Mr. Segel has perhaps at one time had a not so cool job, but based on his IMDB profile he has been working in the entertainment industry since 1998 (they don't include any of his time at Boulevard3 as a go-go dancer...I swear I saw him in a banana thong there once)

Here is a quick Timeline of shows and movies you might have seen him in

(sorry Mr. Segel, I omitted a lot due to sheer ignorance and indifference)

1998

"Can't Hardly Wait"

Watermelon Guy

1998

"SLC Punk!"

Mike

1999-2000

"Freaks and Geeks"

Nick Andopolis

2001-2002

"Undeclared"

Eric

2002

"Slackers"

Sam Schechter

2004-2005

"CSI"

Neil Jansen

2007

"Knocked Up"

Jason

2007

"Knocked Up"

Jason

2008

"Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

Peter Bretter

2009

"I Love You, Man"

Sydney Fife

2005-2010

"How I Met Your Mother"

Marshall Eriksen

thanks IMDB!

Treat a Hot Girl Like Dirt and She'll Stick to You Like Mud

Women Love being wooed in this fashion...when a man does the pectoral pulsation it gets my bearded oyster going!

Must for Gina Gershon (above video) and Laura Prepon (right) too!

From bangers and beans to dirty rings around the rosie...this man is a true lyrical genius

He isn't your mother's B.Dylan or your great grandmother's Mozart, whatever. What he lacks in age and fake names, he makes up for in wit and what I would like to believe shoe size, ahem ;)... All jokes aside I'm not trying to out shine our obsession, simply put, I'm trying to express a passion for mashin' with a tall man who looks like a long thin but slightly attractive male member. A man with a voice that resonates one vocal tone higher then Kermit the Frog and who has lyrical writing skills which rival that of Cosby, Stills, Nash and Young on Viagra.

With that being said the plain and simple truth is my co-author and I are pushing to get it done, hang with a legend in his own right, the ultimate honor of any horny 26/27 year old lady who yearns to be entertained by a somewhat handsome and over the top stoned funny boy. Jason Segel has some of the best friends you can ask for, possibly the best weed in Hollywood and big feet...so what's a girl to do?

We have some zany (no not Billy Zane, although I love his eye makeup in Titanic) ideas on how this is going to go down and it may just involve some Bangers, Beans and Mash with a side of rosie posies... ;)



Write on Jason Segel, write on, we salute you.

A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

That's what my elementary school gym teacher Ms. Richards said every day, as well as her own personal colloquialisms that included snickers bars and the attorney, John Sokolov.

She also wore purple sweatpants. That is the only thing that could make this picture ANY better.

and maybe John Sokolov...

The "Cheapest" Greatest Muppet Movie Ever Made

Segel is so AWESOME the MUPPETS are making a movie with him.

http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/03/16/no-surprises-here-jason-segel-starring-in-muppet-movie/


SCHWING!

Exploring- Why Segel?

So why are we trying to find Jason Segel and not Judd Apatow or Seth Rogen?

Well, I have a friend that is Rogen's doppleganger so I didn't feel the need to jump on that train. Granted the co-author would LOVE to meet Seth Rogen (and Seth Green), and bone him (maybe in a threesome?)...but Rogen probably gets so much ass his bone is tired so... lets move on to WHY SEGEL?

Not only is this man funny and tall, he loves muppets, cheese and doing the penis dance. (All men do it, let's face it, but you always smile when you find one who does it with conviction.)

- He is one of the CHOSEN PEOPLE

- Word on the street is that he is NICE (wording may have been "sweetheart" from an anonymous source)

- In Freaks and Geeks he played a stoner, in Can't Hardly Wait he played a stoner, in Knocked Up he played a stoner, so chances are...

- He isn't afraid of being behind the scenes, writers are hot (yeah, I'd do Herman Melvile and Tolstoy in a second!)

- He knows what a doppleganger is

- He loves puppets and muppets

- He appreciates the human form and is comfortable being in the nude, like Harvey Keitel, he can clean my piano any day

- He appreciates beautiful, FUNNY women

- He can play the drums and the piano and the triangle; all musicians are hot...not just bassists! (disclaimer: I can't confirm Mr. Segal plays the triangle, but in my imagination he does, especially with a handlebar mustache)

- He jumped off a cliff ...in Hawaii...for a movie, but it shows a sense of adventure and every girl loves a bad boy

- He could easily have been cast in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers...anyone over 6'2" should know how to dance on a rolling log

- He performed with Swell Season (let's face it anyone who saw Once, and loves that music enough to contact the musicians and has a penis deserves to see a lot of female genitalia.)

- Based on IMDB his mom has the same name as me, so you know he was raised by someone awesome

What would you add to this list?

The Quest to find Jason Segel: Introduction

Since the days of Freaks and Geeks and Slackers whenever I have finished watching a film or television show with or written by Jason Segel I always comment about how it is my dream to get baked with the actor. Upon watching his most recent film Get Him to the Greek, where he acted as co-author to the screenplay, I again sat staring at the credits with my friend commenting on how I would love to meet him- thus the quest begins.

As we drove out of the Grove, we came up with a series of events that would need to play out in order to meet Mr. Segel. The first starting with a facebook blast, that as of 11:50 this morning already has some possible leads.

Our desire to meet Mr. Segel is in no way stalker like ( trust me, we are cute girls, and have been stalked {seriously folks, we have}). This blog and quest are entirely driven by my hope to schmooze with the giant (he's one of my people!) and my co-author's burning loins.

As Harold and Kumar sought out White Castle, I seek you out Mr. Segel, because I pray you are my stonermate.